31 Kinds of gay

Dear Censored,

Have you guys seen this video of a lady that gets pulled over and is calling the police officer a murderer the whole time?

– Heather

Dear Censored,

Former bartender here. During Mondays’ show, you were asking if it was possible if alcohol sitting on a shelf for a long period would be able to up its Proof (Alcohol content). No, it cannot. See link below for details. Furthermore, proof is capped at 200 (100% alcohol), there is no such thing as “300 proof” as that would be 150% alcohol content, obviously impossible.



Dear Censored,

Yesterday’s Antifa badass street gimps reminded me of a story I drew a while ago.  It’s about The Lynching of Uncle Ben: http://nocomedycomics.nl   Fun stuff!


Dear Censored,

Start at 2:00

I think he says:

“Who came from countries beset by man-made and natural-made violent and disasters”


Dear Censored,

I will be skipping “hello” for this urgent message. I liked the news section of the website.Keep it!Or I will have to subscribe to Lotus Eaters.
Thank you,

-A concerned censored subscriber

Dear Censored,

I was looking into the shootings at Kent State in 1970 since the media loves to parade it around as one of the worst atrocities ever committed by our government and I found some interesting things. At first I thought the National Guard shot them just because they were a bunch of violent communists burning down buildings and attacking police like antifa but then I discovered this guy.
He was one of the students throwing rocks at the cops and also happened to be an FBI informant who was the only person other than the National Guard who had a firearm on the scene. Forensic analysis showed his gun had been fired and he even said he had fired it and then later recanted. The FBI lied to the public and claimed they had no relationship with him. I think this asshole fired the first shot and spooked the Guard into returning fire. Seems like something worth looking into.


Dear Censored,

I was thinking today of the actions taken to mitigate STDs and those taken to stop the spread of COVID. We never asked gays to stop having butt sex, we never asked girls to stop slutting around. Even during COVID, we’ve not been asked to stop having sex with people who aren’t living with us, just that we wear masks and try positions that wouldn’t result in us breathing in each other’s face. It seems our priorities are based on cumming.


Dear Censored,

ut this video of this liberal bitch. She’s black and if it were a white person it would be way more viral


Dear Censored,

You asked who watches your show? I’m a 36 year old female physician and I’ve been a fan since you appeared on Rebel Media. I mistakenly introduced my husband and 77 year old Dad, who still talks about your bit about soakers, now I’m the third wheel. My husband was astonished when I bought the Censored.tv subscription because like most physicians I’m cheap as fuck and I never pay for subscription TV shows. Keep up the good work!!

Can you please do an Indian joker face for old time’s sake? It is my bad day pick me up.


PS You were a douche when I emailed your personal email by mistake the first time. 



Dear Censored,

I was laughing to myself the other day about a story you told but can’t remember what episode it was. The story was set at the boxing gym and you were talking to an Italian buddy about race. The punchline was “I know, imagine how I feel, I’m white!” Something to that effect and it crushed him. Maybe you could tell it again. 


Dear Censored,

On yesterday’s show, you played some spoken word tune with hip hop vibes. 
If you want some good, weird spoken word with more…. Ahem, white vibes. Check this out 

If you don’t like it, you’re gay


Dear Censored,

Guys! You’re still wondering where “fuck you dad” comes from? I sent you an email about it BEFORE your 100th where’d-it-come-from episode (would have fit right in there) and THEN you guys did a “deep dive” in the mailbag so I assumed you saw it and ignored it. You have hurt me today. Anyway, it is from the 1994 film “Blown Away” with Jeff Bridges and Tommy Lee Jones. The line is from the scene where Jones beats up Lloyd Bridges in a bar, and calls him “dad” (as in “old man”) and Lloyd says “fuck you, dad!” as a mocking retort. Sorry, there are no actual dads involved.


Here’s the clip: 

Dear Censored,

In yesterdays show where you briefly showed an old naked man at the beach, I immediately knew who it was. 
It was not a world banker, instead it was a Florida Famous mentally ill boomer named Ruby Slippers (who is most likely is a pedophile.)  Ruby lives at the beach. He lived on Clearwater beach in 2014 and was very popular to the local teenagers who enjoyed his entertainment. All you had to say was “Ruby Slippers” and he would go into a trance and say “your wish is my command.”  Then you could make him do whatever you wanted. I linked a twitter account and some vine videos. I believe that must be him at another beach in Florida because I haven’t seen him around Clearwater for the past 5 years.  I guess the old bastard is still somewhere in Florida showing his balls to teenage girls in bikinis. Anyways cheers and tell more of your liberal NewYork friends NOT to move to Florida, us Floridians would appreciate they don’t fuck our state like they did Georgia and soon to be fucked Texas. 




Dear Censored,

Hey Gavin and Ryan check out Wheeler Walker Jr’s response to the cancel mob 

Also, this dude Gus Johnson has “the sprinkles”


Dear Censored,

This is funny:


Dear Censored,

Thought you’d get a kick out of this. People on planes these days


Dear Censored,

Here’s definitive proof that the Biden clan is race of incompetent aliens, or perhaps sasquatches with too many chromosomes. Either way, I can’t seem to rationalize the size difference between them and this other first family. What do you think?

Heels, Sunglasses and Shekels,



Dear Censored,

Ordinarily I dislike Dhar Mann’s videos but this one starring Ryan really inspired me


Dear Censored,

My friend posted the meme below on [Zuckbook] the other day, and I hadn’t yet seen it myself, but I immediately laughed, but then reminded myself that my half brother is gay himself. Which, I’m happy for him that he can be who he wants to be. But I’m going to have to watch my language around him.
I was driving with him to a family dinner and some guy next to me revved his engine like he wanted to race me. I had an SUV and it was so stupid, so I muttered “Fuckin’ Faggots…” Obviously wasn’t saying they were really gay AS YOU KNOW, but I had some apologizing to do and I think I did damage to the conservative brand by my poor choice of words. Such a dumbass mistake.


Dear Censored,

This video is maybe the cringiest thing I’ve seen. I assume Ryan speaks this way to his girlfriend. Enjoy. 



P.S. despite the cringiness, I now on a regular basis talk like a baby and ask my fiancé “did you call me your hubby?” While it was funny at first, I believe it is now irritating her. At the what point will the joke become funny again? 

Dear Censored,

I’m writing this fresh off of leaving my 1st born’s high school senior year honor awards ceremony.
She, along with her great group of over-achieving friends (they consist of a mix of races, religious backgrounds, genders, classes, etc), were honored tonight for the well deserved merits of their hard work. Many of them earned ‘ropes’ and awards for their accomplishments of earning and maintaining a 3.5+ GPA throughout their 4 years of high school, in addition to other specific and worthwhile achievements.  This was the actual meritocracy-focused portion of the ceremony.  
They blitzed through announcing this majority of students in about 20-30 minutes.
But then came the remaining 90+ minutes of what you could refer to as the ‘bigotry of low expectations’ portion of the event. 
One of these processions in particular stuck out. A group of students were awarded a rope for showing they learned a 2nd language, with proven proficiently, and some of them probably did work very hard to achieve this. But an unavoidable pattern soon became apparent…
1.  The majority of the recipients of this honor were latino.2.  The 5 or so non-latino out of 30 or so students awarded mastered French or German.3.  The entirety of latino students mastered… *drum roll* …SPANISH! And I’m guessing grew up in bilingual spanish/english households. 4.  No latino student in this group mastered a ‘2nd language’ other than spanish.5.  The 5 or so non-latino students earned one or more achievements in the afore mentioned categories, but…6.  The majority of the latino ‘bilingual master’ students earned no other ropes or honors for anything else. Meaning, they did not meet any other GPA/athletic/extracurricular achievements throughout their 4 years, but still earned this special rope for this one thing.
The BAWLs fawned over this group and insisted on obnoxiously overdone applause, of course, but wouldn’t give a single clap to the white boy who won a mathematics honor for maintaining simultaneous A+ grades in advanced-placement Stats/Calculus/Physics (who will likely be working for NASA or SpaceX in 4 years), nor the wheelchair-bound white boy who won awards for excellence in audio/video production. Or even the black girl who was honored as the business student of the year (her adoptive parents are white and run a successful business).
Witnessing this was no surprise. Just sad. The left is so disgustingly culty, cunty, and deserve NOTHING because they do NOTHING productive. Jealous, ugly, miserable, noisy, sexless, unfun ghoulies. Unfortunately, my wife has befriended a couple of them, or should I say captured by them, and I now have to fight daily to counteract the brainwashing they inflict upon her.  I feel outnumbered. I have no patience or energy for this bullshit… *Sigh*
Wish me luck.
 Thanks for all you do. Godspeed, homos.


2 thoughts on “31 Kinds Of Gay

  1. You get an award for most cringe thumbnail for an article. I had to change my bookmark to censored.tv to point directly to a video channel just to not see it anymore.

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