BIG FUCKING TITS!

Anyone who’s ever heard of Kat Dennings has asked himself, “I wonder what life would be like if I had THOSE BIG FUCKING JEW TITS in my life.” Well, Andrew W.K. now does. It’s confirmed. They’re getting married.

Here are ten other things you didn’t know about the “Party Hard” guy.

1- Andrew W.K. is built like a brick shithouse and he looks like he murders people for fun but he’s actually a nerd. Like James O’Keefe, he’s a weird, artsy geek with huge balls so most people don’t quite get him.

2- Kiss FM refused to play him because they thought he was glam rock and it really hurt his career. He’s not glam rock. He’s NYC art rock with a deep homage to Death Metal. This is why he hired Obituary as his tour band.

3- One of the dudes in Obituary almost died from choking on his own vomit when he was wasted. He doesn’t party quite that hard anymore.

4- Andrew almost married Melissa Auf der Maur from Hole. She got drunk at a party once and kissed a guy and he never spoke to her again.

5- Andrew has a kid with a fitness instructor he dated for many years. She used to get on stage with him. It was pretty cringe.

6- Andrew lives in midtown Manhattan because nobody lives there so he can record music all night. He usually goes to bed around 8AM.

7- He was discovered by Gavin McInnes who made him famous by putting him on the cover of Vice and convincing NME in UK to put him on their cover – twice! It was the only time NME published two covers as their first two pages. Some say all the press overhyped Andrew and that hurt his career.

8- He tried writing for a while and that instantly parlayed into a weekly advice column in the Village Voice.

9- He used to carry a laminated card he made in his wallet that said something to the effect of, “Don’t ever give up. Don’t be weak. Fight. Destroy.” He would read it when he was stressed out.

10- He just put out a new masterpiece entitled “I’m in Heaven” and it’s a perfect example of how fantastically weird he is. Maybe Kat is the lucky one.

22 thoughts on “Big Fucking Tits!

  1. Right around the time Gavin was leaving Vice, Andrew appeared as a guest on the show Soft Focus )the interviewer is an acquired taste but I liked him). I was blown away by how intelligent, thoughtful and genuinely insightful the guy really is. The host, who asked some pointed (some might say ironic) questions that would have intimidated most musicians, couldn’t stump him. I also read a number of his Village Voice columns and he always gave sincere intelligent advice. Anyway, Kat Dennings is a 10, so good for him. Here’s a YouTube link to the interview I was talking about:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4wfJE40znI0

    Again, the interviewer is an acquired taste but stick with it.

  2. Tell me again how Jew tits are different than regular breasta cees. Is there a separate video for that?

  3. Really sad that people still speak like this. Perhaps we women should constantly refer only to men’s cocks in place of anything meaningful about them. “Wow, Gavin must have a tiny Christian penis and be jealous of Kangaroo Boy’s massive Atheist cock.” “I’d hit that dick” ….blah blah. It’s so stupid. Grow up, guys. You sound like low-IQ, gansta, ghetto idiots.

    1. REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I DON’T APPROVE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
      Nobody with any self worth gives a fuck, bitch. I”m a man with a big honkin cock, and I’ve been treated as if that’s all that matters about me. I don’t give a fucking shit. My self worth does not come from others. It comes from myself. Go fuck yourself.

    2. What is sad is that you are surprised that people still talk like this. You can’t fix stupid, and if you try, you will only fall to their level.

    3. Hello woman, who the fuck taught you to read and write? Take your measley disgusting pizza slice droopers and get back in the kitchen and make some babies. Since when are women allowed on censored?

    4. “We” women?

      Identity politics is for woketardness.

      Just be yourself. You speak for no one other than that.

    5. This is how men talk and that will never change. If women knew how we really talk in private you probably wouldn’t look at any of us ever again. It’s all in good fun though. Don’t take everything so seriously

  4. Wasn’t The Groban dumping hot loads on those gi-gungo tits a few years back? Now the Party Hard guy is gonna smash those bags 4 Life? Andrew W.K. is originally from Ypsilanti – a stupid garbage town outside of Ann Arbor, Michigan.

  5. I thought this was Censored.tv, not E-Hollywood News. What a shit article. I almost get the impression that the writer would rather take the place of Kat… and be the one Marrying Messy-hair rock anthem dude…..

    Anyway, that is that, and the fact that I even wrote anything here is worth more than what little I did read from this gossip-girl styled article.

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