Mask it or casket

Dear Censored,

I think this guy is hilarious…check him out.

-Jackie

Dear Censored,


What your dad was saying about the fear of getting an A and self sabotaging is a real thing. 
There is a Sports Psychology book called Mind Gym where they talk about this: 
‘In psychology there is something we call the self consistency theory. It means we act consistent to our self concept – our self image.’
‘Annika Sorenstam is a case in point. In an interview, the LPGA champion said that early in her career she was afraid of having to speak in public and felt so uncomfortable being the centre of attention that she would deliberately miss putts on the later holes in tournaments just so she could finish second. She had a fear of success…’
It’s why boxers are always hyping themselves up, they need to maintain their self conception of being a winner. 
You were probably right about Patrice being insecure and self sabotaging, he only ever conceived of himself as the struggling comic making just enough to get by.
All the best

-Den

Dear Censored,

Dude, no one has any imagination. No one is thinking outside the box. You would blow your brains out in some hick-ass small town with nothing to do. You’ve lived in the center of the universe for most of your life. You need a populous; diverse; and, most importantly, conservative paradise.

You need Orange County, CA. Specifically, Newport Beach. I know it sounds crazy to move to a liberal shit hole like California, but Orange County is a bastion of conservatism and Trump-loving patriots. Yeah, the politics of the state suck ass, but Newport Beach ignores half of the shit the state tells us to do. Restaurants stayed open straight through the “pandemic” here. I’ve been going to my local maskless since the beginning of this shit without interruption.

There are boutiques and trendy designer stores everywhere for your wife; the Anaheim Angels for your son; and hipster, lib-tard LA is less than an hour’s drive away for your daughter to go explore.

Newport Beach has everything you could ever want. Everyone here is rich, but they’re new-money and not stuck up. There’s a harbor, the ocean, tons of outdoor shit, and mountains a stone’s throw away (Big Bear is ok; Mammoth is world class and less than a 6 hours’ drive away). Fuck, I live on an island in the Newport Harbor (google Balboa Island). Endless activities, shit tons of dive bars, hipsters, and a rocker / punk contingent with burnouts and surfer druggies. Mike Ness of social D lives out here. There are world class public schools as well as private Protestant and Catholic schools.

Lastly, maybe I’m living under a rock, but I don’t think anyone in Newport Beach has a clue who you are, and I don’t think they would give a fuck if they did. Hell, the great American / core-Californian John Wayne used to call this place home… We even named our airport after him.

Just a thought.

I wanna fuck you with my heels on for medicinal purposes,

-Klaus

Dear Censored,

This kid fucked up big time and his mama IS NOT FUCKING AROUND. She is on a mission to whoop his ass, belt in hand and boy does she get him. Not sure how the teacher felt about it, but i sure enjoyed it and I hope you do as well. 
Da owdest symbo 


-Nick D

Dear Censored,

LOOK AT THAT PIC!!!! They say people with glasses look smarter, but holy shit she looks like……
……………………well I don’t have a funny joke but she looks real bad, eh!

-Kevin

Dear Censored,

The pic of your neurotic friend’s shit brought back some memories. I never told anyone this, and every time I recall this I get pangs of conscience. So it is mostly therapeutic that I tell somebody this.

Years ago, I am walking through Manhattan with my girlfriend, we decide we are thirsty enough, so we pop into the first random bar. I get a beer, and half way through it I notice this place is gay. Literally, this was a gay bar. I guess it was not crowded so it was not obvious in the beginning. So I tell my hoe: what are we doing here? let’s get the fuck out, let me just finish this pint real quick. And it is at that moment that I feel a wave of peristalsis, or what you call “shit cramps”. So I go to the bathroom, and I start realizing it’s not fucking sanitary to shit in a gay bar. There must be a ton of gay cooties in that toilet. There’s AIDS and hep C, for sure. There’s no way I am sitting my virgin ass on that seat. So I try my best to hover over the toilet, not touching it, like a bird! I feel a burst, I am relieved, I am happy, I look back, and… bloody horror! There’s nothing in the toilet. It’s pristine. Even the rim is clean. The whole thing went on the floor. Fuck! What do I do now? If I clean the bathroom floor in a gay bar I am officially gay. No way. So I walk out. I sit next to my girl trying to look like I did not shit all over the floor just now. I can’t tell her this – we had just started dating. What’s next? If we leave right now it would be obvious I am the one. If I am caught what kind of group punishment will I undergo in a gay bar? So I device an act around it. I would go to the bathroom, and immediately walk out visibly horrified and bring attention of the staff to the situation in the stall. I go back and it’s not there. Gone. It’s been cleaned up. There is no punch line. This is it. This was the only time. The only time I ever went to a gay bar and the only time I ever took a dump on the floor. There. Thank you for reading this.

-Sergei

Dear Censored,

It just seems like every fight has that trademark move. Could it be an attempt to create equity in retaliation to the systemic racist policies that hold them back in terms of IQ and SAT scores.

-Tanner

https://v.redd.it/2lbb1vcg2q571

Dear Censored,

Turned the tv on to 60 minutes on ar15s and slavery then landed on this fucking gem, 

Amateur comedians getting edgy shitting on white people and elitist half men like Howie Mandel cheering their heads off. “I’m not sure if I’m allowed to laugh at these jokes” the irony 

-Griff

Dear Censored,

I like this one, maybe you will too, or not, either way, I’m still a fag 
Link

(Backup if link is broken) 

-Storm

Dear Censored,

Not sure if you guys covered this guy in your Covid section. But here is this guy, Martin Kulldorff. He is a bio-statistician, and one of the leading epidemiologists, and a professor in Harvard Medical School. The guy has been strongly in favor of focused-protection measures and against lockdowns and total vaccination: quarantine and vaccinate the elderly first, and keep schools and economy running. For this, the media and big tech ruthlessly censored and canceled him and his homies in academia. The only pretense at scientific authority we ever hear is this clown Fauci.

He is finally getting popularity now, but probably not for long, and surely not in mainstream. Before we collapse into a total despotic shithole we should at least be aware that we have a scientific community somewhere.

“Instead of understanding the pandemic, we were encouraged to fear it. Instead of life, we got lockdowns and death. We got delayed cancer diagnoses, worse cardiovascular-disease outcomes, deteriorating mental health, and a lot more collateral public-health damage from lockdown. Children, the elderly and the working class were the hardest hit by what can only be described as the biggest public-health fiasco in history.”

-Sergei

Dear Censored,

Did you know that all the big Hollywood actors have escaped America in the last 12-18 months? An insane amount of Hollywood lives in Australia now. 

So all the fags who lectured everyone about Covid, who made stupid videos where they sing ‘Imagine’ – they all peaced out to avoid lockdowns and masks.

The best part is that a lot of these people said they’d leave America if Trump won in 2020…and then when their guy ‘won’ they all fled America.

This list will give you a small idea of how much of Hollywood no longer lives in America – https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.elle.com.au/amp/celebrity/international-celebrities-in-australia-24941

-Sam

Dear Censored,

Hi Gavin. I want to get deep inside your asshole (_*_)

That’s right, you heard me correct. I want to get deep inside your asshole. I want to push past your anal lips, slide into your colon, make my way up to your large intestine and even go as far as your small intestine and stomach. Figuratively speaking that is. I want to talk about your gut health.
Been an avid watcher of your show for over 2 years now, and the stories about your diarrhea and poor anus have me concerned about your gut health. I know you like to have a drink, and so do I. Just like yourself, I’m Scottish on my dad’s side. We have the Scottish alcoholic gene and come from a long line of high functioning alcoholics. I’m 4th Generation Australian, and my Great-Grandfather was a train driver in England. He got wasted on the job one day and crashed the train. Of course, he got fired, couldn’t find work after that, and had to move to Australia. Just a little anecdote, as I really enjoy the ones about your Scottish family.
My dad always tells me that death starts in the gut. It makes sense as our whole body gets its sustenance, nutrients, and vitamins from our gut. Our gut bacteria plays a vital role in this process and when you drink alcohol, especially spirits, it kills the good bacteria and upsets the balance. We use alcohol as a sanitizer and at the right concentration, it will kill almost anything, including the Rona.
So after you drink you have to replace and replenish the good bacteria in your gut, and a great way to do this is with probiotics. I had the same problem as you. I was shitting watery diarrhea like an Indian on a curry binge. After my dad got me onto probiotics my shit went back to being firm and solid. It was such an improvement, that If I were Halle Berry I could easily toss my shit a good 30-40 yards.
Things like Kimchi, Sauerkraut, natural & Greek yogurt (not the sugary stuff) are full of probiotics and great for your gut. I know you don’t like it, but so is Kombucha. I make my own at home and it’s about 3% alcohol, which is similar to bud lite. I drink that shit all day and it gives you a buzz.
I know you’re a Scott and your ass can take a lot of punishment. Maybe not as much punishment as Ryan’s ass, but I don’t have any advice for that, other than he needs to find Jesus. However, we all need to look after our gut. I only write to you with this advice as I want you to continue drinking, as it’s hilarious and entertaining. I also want you to have a long, healthy, and successful life so you can look after your family and your dependant down-syndrome assistant and I can watch your show for many years to come.
Here’s Cheers to Gavins Anus!

-Tim

Dear Censored,

I saw this picture on Instagram look at Cumia and his pal they look like small wee cunts but look at Gdog he’s ripped as fuck and a legend he’s definitely a man for the people be ripped like Gavin no a pussy what a legend 

🤘

-Jamie

Dear Censored,

Archie Bunkers grandson is a boy with a dick. Thats anatomically correct, and don’t you forget it.

-Scott

Dear Censored,

 Here’s a short clip of Eric Andre DIY self transitioning. So brave.
  Are beer farts worse than dog farts? I think it’s pretty even.’

-Drink

Dear Censored,

If this is an ancient secret at least berate me on the show so I can quit sending it. The action starts at 8:45 and ends at 12 minutes. 

-Steve

https://youtu.be/AUbT_h1vq2ESteve

Dear Censored,

Why is the main military bank giving this guy center stage to promote this event? fucking gross.*Navy Federal Credit Union is offered to new military recruits during boot camp.
https://www.facebook.com/882419518630234/photos/a.887315181474001/1434109033461277/?type=3&theater

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Aaron Stup – Lives in DC with his clearly distressed dog, Aaliyah.”Performing as Alexa Shontelle, I’m the primary hostess of all Winchester Pride events and the very first Miss Winchester Pride.”

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NFCU Article: https://www.navyfederal.org/resources/articles/life/celebrating-pride.htmlOut corrupting: https://memosandmirth.com/alexa-shontelle/

Thank you for my service,

-Jorge

Dear Censored,

Joe Biden as president is like letting the retarded team manager play in the final basketball game of the year. Everyone does everything they can to get the ball in his hands and he keeps missing the shot. The spectators can’t do anything but cheer and encourage the retard failing to throw a ball in a hoop. Then, they edit the video to make it look like he was the best player on the court. https://www.ebaumsworld.com/videos/high-school-senior-with-down-syndrome-has-amazing-final-game/83877087/

-Tibbs

Dear Censored,

Dear gavin the best and Ryan the worse…there was 4 mass shootings in a few days and guess what they are all black and guess what media didnt give a description of the shooters! 

-Nik

Dear Censored,

his guy killed his family and decided to represent himself in court. His trial just started and it is more entertaining than Terrance Howard explaining the flower of life to Oxford students.

-Tim

THE CASE


HIS OPENING STATEMENT

Dear Censored,

The modern-day Indians are descended from the Dravidians (people native to the Indus River) and migrating Aryan tribes that moved into the peninsula between 1500 and 500 B.C. The sacred writings of Hinduism (The Vedas) were brought to India by these Aryan tribes along with the caste system. 

-Virgil

P.S. the difference between Genghis Khan and Attila the Hun is easy. One is a godless sky worshipper; the other is a dirty sword worshiper. 

Dear Censored,

Wanna play a game of Is it Racist? I found this Instagram page of insane clown🤡world cancel culture. Though i cannot tell if it is satire because the explanations are throughly detailed. Take a gander.  

-Rich

https://instagram.com/annoyedteenager?utm_medium=copy_link

Dear Censored,


Wow, Hunter Biden’s laptop from hell is the gift that keeps on giving. Bet they’ll never ask Kamala about these leaks, even though the media love to mention her being the first Asian-American VP as well as the first African-American woman etc. Surely this can’t be the last bombshell allegation from Hunter’s laptop.

Hunter Biden called Asians ‘yellow’ in text exchange with cousin

By Samuel Chamberlain
https://nypost.com/2021/06/16/hunter-biden-called-asians-yellow-in-text-exchange-with-cousin/?utm_campaign=applenews&utm_medium=inline&utm_source=applenews

-Hugh 

Dear Censored,


Have you seen this thing? Seems perfect for the show. Orangutan creature sings, “I Just Nutted” 
I like you more than my heels on. 

-Sharif

Dear Censored,

You are correct that a large portion of Indians are white and from the Caucasus Mountains.  The various European and Indian languages fall under the Indo-European language group.  The people known as the Proto-Indo-Europeans were the first to domesticate horses which allowed them to expand rapidly and spread their language and culture from India to Scandinavia.

-Alec

Dear Censored,


This dude on Instagram plays a character of some sort of Spaniard with a funny accent who gives out golf tips. Even I was fooled by his appearance and demeanor. And if you read the comments no one knows he’s acting, he’s even done full length podcasts in character 😂
 Him in character: https://www.instagram.com/p/CP0jiKhgPVO/?utm_medium=copy_link
Him talking normally: https://www.instagram.com/p/CPYhT47A9i_/?utm_medium=copy_link

-Mich

Dear Censored,

I just eloped. Me and my now wife didn’t tell anybody. We just ran off and did the damn thing. Neither one of us wanted a wedding. We both think weddings are cringe and a total waste of money.

We came back home and broke the news to our families. My parents were ecstatic and so was her dad, but her mom threw a holy fuckin bitch fit. She hated it. She was immediately consumed with sadness and rage. It kinda took the piss out of our elopement.

Long story short she’s making us have a “reception” but is secretly trying to turn it into her own twisted wedding fantasy. We agreed to a reception just to make her happy, but this is getting retarded.

I’m thinking about just shutting the whole fucking thing down, but I dont want to be a total dick to my new mother in law. What do you think? Should I flex nuts and show that old hag who’s boss or should I go with the flow just to keep the peace? I get along great with her dad but her mom is a fuckin ding-a-ling.

Do you get along with your in laws or is it just a universal fact that men hate their mother in laws?

Love the show, keep up the good work.

ADIOS

-Nate

Dear Censored,

He chooses to speak Russian because he sounds like a bitch when he talks in English.

-Texas

Dear Censored,

Have you ever considered that the schools etc are pushing “straight conversion therapy” trying to use social pressure to fuck our kids in their poor little asses?  It’s the projection of the left to the gayest degree.  What a bundle of sticks!  Long Island PB’s!


~Nigel

Dear Censored,

Please watch this disabled gay couple jump in the pool after their wedding

-Isaiah

@gabeadams

I recommend every couple to jump in the pool after their wedding.🤍 #fyp #weddings #loverboy #pridemonth #gay #pool #cermony

♬ original sound – sam

Dear Censored,

you boys made cnn!

-Adam

https://edition.cnn.com/2021/06/15/politics/proud-boys-dysfunction-capitol-attack/index.html

Dear Censored,

Check these guys out. Pretty good albeit a gimmick. 

-Mike

Also a good one 

Dear Censored,

I was looking to purchase some of your books on Amazon and the pricing is unbelievably high, see below:

  • The Vice Guide to Sex and Drugs and Rock and Roll Paperback = $596.02

·       Terryworld (Taschen 25th Anniversary) by Gavin McInnes = $288.90

·       Dos & Don’ts 2: 13 Years of Vice Magazine’s Street Fashion Critiques by Gavin McInnes = $123.64

It looks like you’re in high demand!

Shut up Ryan! I like you both more than a friend!

-Guy

Dear Censored,

Also matches the first few notes of That’s All by Genesis. Can You Imagine?

-Sharif

Dear Censored,

I think I’ve found someone who can dethrone Tarana Burke for the title of Ugliest Woman Alive.
Enter Imani Barbarin, 400-pound fivehead, disabled blacktivist, and all-around vile racist. Today, your alma mater sadly published an article about her titled “Trolls Can’t Stop This Black and Disabled Activist From Taking Over TikTok”.
She’s given us such gems as, “Disabled people can be imperialists, too” and “White people never miss an opportunity to remind you that their solidarity with you is optional.” Lots of vomit-inducing photos and TikTok videos in this article:
https://www.vice.com/en/article/m7e7mp/trolls-cant-stop-this-black-and-disabled-activist-from-taking-over-tiktok
Well, what say you? Is Tarana Burke still the queen of ugly?

-Alex

Dear Censored,

Here’s a couple pics of a porn shop ( err.. “adult boutique” ) across the street from my work. What’s funny is this is only the beginning of a tax payer funded city project to “beautify and diversify” a, basically, shitty and crime filled part of town. Is an ugly and huge mural of an orgy make this garbage building more attractive to look at ? I know this is pretty tame compared to other stuff but am I becoming a prude ? 
I liked your new sunglasses but they melted on the dashboard in this heat (which is an actual oppressive thing) 
-Johnny 

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